This need in our culture to make everything so black or white is crazy to me. No one lives in absolutes; we are all allowed to hold conflicting feelings.
As for beauty—why else do we think flowers are always sent when people are grieving. It’s the beautiful things that give us hope to keep going!
Hi Jess - after my wedding I suffered from nearly debilitating anxiety, for several weeks. I am no stranger to anxiety, but this was something much, much worse. I have thought about that time a lot, and I think it was this: I think the world puts so much pressure on weddings and brides because it is the only time we take women seriously. It is the only time it is acceptable for women to be precise, insistent, demanding, uncompromising, self-absorbed, unavailable (clients did not care when I was out of the office for x, y, or z, but dress shopping? They would “catch me tomorrow and you would look great in strapless!!”) and, of course, the center of attention. And when the wedding is over, as dark as it is, I think I felt shame about taking up so much SPACE during the planning, like I had to lead every interaction with an apology. The re-shrinking was fast and furious. I know your circumstances are different, but offering my experience as a gentle reminder that misogyny is a bastard that is always lurking in the bushes. Much love from grey and foggy San Francisco! Xx, Sam
“She’s rescuing herself” - that’s really it, so perfectly said. As lovely as the white knight sounds, it’s so much more enchanting not to need him at all.
Great one Jess.
This need in our culture to make everything so black or white is crazy to me. No one lives in absolutes; we are all allowed to hold conflicting feelings.
As for beauty—why else do we think flowers are always sent when people are grieving. It’s the beautiful things that give us hope to keep going!
From one beach bum to another- happy 4th!
Hi Jess - after my wedding I suffered from nearly debilitating anxiety, for several weeks. I am no stranger to anxiety, but this was something much, much worse. I have thought about that time a lot, and I think it was this: I think the world puts so much pressure on weddings and brides because it is the only time we take women seriously. It is the only time it is acceptable for women to be precise, insistent, demanding, uncompromising, self-absorbed, unavailable (clients did not care when I was out of the office for x, y, or z, but dress shopping? They would “catch me tomorrow and you would look great in strapless!!”) and, of course, the center of attention. And when the wedding is over, as dark as it is, I think I felt shame about taking up so much SPACE during the planning, like I had to lead every interaction with an apology. The re-shrinking was fast and furious. I know your circumstances are different, but offering my experience as a gentle reminder that misogyny is a bastard that is always lurking in the bushes. Much love from grey and foggy San Francisco! Xx, Sam
Hi Jess this is so powerful and moving and brave. It’s like you’ve turned your sadness into beauty with your words. Thank you for sharing it.
“She’s rescuing herself” - that’s really it, so perfectly said. As lovely as the white knight sounds, it’s so much more enchanting not to need him at all.
♥️