How to Take a Bath Like You’re About to Ruin a Man’s Life
If you need to look good tomorrow, follow this ritual tonight.
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I’ve made no secret of my affinity for a bath. But this one is special. This is the routine to use when you’re prepping for something (a date, a dress, a wedding) when even a tiny bit of bloat will not be tolerated.
Do it the night before your event. This is not a daytime thing, it’s optimized to help you drain overnight (you should pee a LOT the next morning… TMI?) and sleep deeply. Is it labor-intensive? Yes. Is it for everyone? No. But I enjoy the ritual.
I’ll even take the ritual on the road if I have a long-distance event. I decant everything into handy capsules and stash them in a leak-proof parcel.
And on the road I’ll be: we’re taking a short break for the holiday this week, but will be back July 6 with guest editors, edits, and essays, front-loaded and scheduled to send on auto, so that I can relax during my bachelorette and bridal shower. After that, I’ll be writing to you from Long Island/Out East/The Hamptons/The Beach/Whatever You Call It for the rest of the summer, I hope in a deeply relaxed state, redolent of my surroundings.
By the way, we turn four on Wednesday! I feel like it’s an awkward birthday, and I have my hands full with wedding stuff, but we'll throw a big party next year for our 5th anniversary. Five years is a solid milestone! Happy birthday, The Love List. I am glad I made you.
P.S., hop to the Index at the very bottom; there are lots of discount codes available for the products I recommend in this letter.
PHASE 1: STAGING
1. Environment Lockdown
Lights low, candle or incense lit. For the tub, I like Big Sur After Rain, 1986’s Melrose, or Astier’s Grand Chalet incense.
An electrolyte cocktail next to the tub. Lately, I've been enjoying mixing fresh watermelon juice with a Watermelon Cure electrolyte packet.
Audio: something with no lyrics, like a binaural theta wave track or Solfeggio 528Hz. You can find both on Spotify or YouTube. Both popular tools in the realm of sound healing target different aspects of the nervous system and emotional regulation. Allow me to geek out a bit, because I learned about this in therapy years ago and have found both to be helpful. Theta waves are naturally present during light sleep, meditation, and dream states. Binaural beats mimic this effect by playing slightly different frequencies in each ear (e.g., 100 Hz in one ear, 104 Hz in the other); the brain interprets the 4 Hz difference. Best for headphones if you’ve got the AirPods in while soaking. The Solfeggio Frequency is nicknamed “The Love Frequency” or “Miracle Tone” and is said to reduce cortisol levels. This is best played ambiently, no headphones required. Binaural is best for when you want to go deep, meditate, access the subconscious, and release. Solfeggio is better for when you want to soften, elevate your mood, and open your chest. Whenever I need a little emotional recalibration, Solfeggio in the tub does the job.
If you have a towel warmer, throw your robe on it as well. I have a robe that’s my current favorite; however, I also love a classic waffle robe for summer. I have a couple of lighter-weight robes by Printfresh that are great too.
Heat and steep your “tub tea” in a large jug. Yes, tub tea. Steep two bags of coriander tea (I like Dr. Stolberg’s Rest and Reset) and one bag of dandelion tea in a carafe. Mix with 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar. This is to be added to your bath water, not to drink. Coriander and dandelion are both potent detoxifiers, each targeting different systems. Coriander helps mobilize heavy metals and supports liver enzyme activity, while dandelion acts as a gentle diuretic and bile stimulant, flushing toxins through the kidneys and gallbladder. (TMI but also great to drink if you’re feeling backed up, iykwim). Avoid using turmeric blends; they can stain your tub.
2. Dry Prep
Dry-brush the entire body, starting from your legs and moving upward toward your heart. Go feet to hips (target behind your knees, which is a lymph cluster)—brush soles, tops of feet, ankles, then calves and thighs. Then, go from hands to shoulders, starting with your fingers and brushing up your arms. Hit your armpits last. Then, do your stomach and lower back. On your tummy, use clockwise circles, following the direction of your colon. Use lighter pressure on your chest. The only area you should sweep downwards is your lower belly, below the belly button. Finish with your neck and clavicle, starting behind your ears and sweeping down your neck toward the collarbone. Then, gently brush the clavicle area toward the center of the chest. My favorite dry brush is by Tronque; it has copper bristles that create an ionic charge, which deepens the natural friction needed to flush your system.
File your nails and clean underneath them. Hermes makes a nail file that’s so over-the-top ridiculous, you can’t help but smirk when you use it.
Apply castor oil to the abdomen. It will activate under the heat of the bath. I know the castor oil thing sounds weird. But when applied to your belly, castor oil becomes a deeply acting, multi-systemic tool, not just a folk remedy. It helps move stagnant lymph, supports liver and gut detoxification, relieves gas and gastrointestinal congestion, and can help alleviate menstrual cramps. Why does it work? Castor oil is absorbed transdermally and drawn into the fascia, tissue, and lymphatic system. This is why applying it with heat (such as in a bath, under a heating pad, or with a warm compress) works so well; it dilates the blood vessels and lymph channels, allowing the oil to penetrate more deeply and do its job.
Apply hair oil to ends (or full scalp if you’re doing a full wash). I love May Lindstrom’s The Good Stuff, which you can put just about anywhere on your body, in addition to your hair. It’s a decadent mix of potent plant oils with cacao, rose, lavender, and ylang-ylang. It looks rich and gleamy on the skin, too.
Wrap hair in a microfiber towel or bun to process. There is no better hair towel than Crown Affair’s, full stop.
3. Pre-Bath Skin Purge
Use a physical body exfoliant on dry skin for legs, chest, and arms. Dry skin before you get in the water is key. I like to stand in the dry tub and do this, then rinse my body and the tub before running my bath. I’m obsessed with the LILIS Instant Peel for this.
Apply a physical exfoliant like May Lindstrom’s Clean Dirt to your face while drawing a bath. The Clean Dirt is technically a powdered exfoliant, but when mixed with water and left on for a few minutes, it behaves like a gentle enzyme polish. Tingling is normal; leave it on for 3-5 minutes while you prep your bath.
PHASE 2: SOAKING
Bath Recipe:
2 cups Dead Sea Salt, which is chemically distinct from regular Epsom salt or table salt.
It’s full of magnesium (obviously), which calms the nervous system, reduces fluid retention, and improves sleep. It also contains calcium, which supports circulation and detoxification, potassium, which helps balance skin hydration and reduce bloat, and naturally anti-inflammatory Bromide, which is excellent for sore muscles. The high mineral content acts osmotically, drawing excess fluid out of tissues, particularly helpful for: hormonal bloating, post-travel puffiness, and general stagnation. Dead Sea salt is also clinically used to support the treatment of Psoriasis, eczema, and keratosis pilaris.
½ cup baking soda, which helps neutralize overly acidic skin or tissue states.
It’s handy after a hormonal breakout or after a big meal and can also aid in reducing itchiness from skin irritation or summer bug bites. It will also help your bath salts absorb better. Plus, it’s a natural water softener; it just makes your bath feel silkier!
Your “tub tea”.
If you’re hungover or have post-sugar puff, you can up the ante (and intensity) by adding clays (especially bentonite and French green clay).
If your face is puffy, you can apply it to your face, neck, and chest while you soak, and come out with sharper cheekbones. If you’re adding it to your bath water, first mix it in a bowl of warm water to dissolve it; otherwise, you’ll end up with big clumps in your plumbing. If you do this step, be sure to rinse thoroughly afterward. Since clay continues to draw out water while it dries, you can over-parch your skin.
While in the bath:
Gently rinse off your facial exfoliant with a warm washcloth. I like the Turkish quick-dry ones.
Float and soak. Let everything soften.
If you’re applying a face mask, now’s the time. I rotate between Biologique’s Masque Vivant (sprinkle a little baking soda into it to activate the yeast) and Masque Visolatine.
Sanitize your body first, using a bar soap like Dettol. Get the pits and bits, babe.
Follow it with a body wash.
We veer towards gender-neutral fragrances that can be shared. My favorites are by Sangra de Fruta (cedar, sandalwood, bergamot), Mienne (floral, smoky), Agent Nateur (oud, sandalwood, rose, coconut, chamomile), Corpus (sandalwood), or Flamingo Estate (peppermint, juniper). Use a Korean-style scrubbing towel, Turkish gloves, or an African net sponge; something that can air-dry in the shower without collecting tons of bacteria, yet still provides a real scrub and allows you to reach hard-to-reach spots.
Shave wherever you shave. I like Hanni’s safety razor and Shave Pillow. I follow up with FUR oil.
PHASE 3: RINSING
Stand up, drain your tub, and turn on the shower.
Shampoo + double cleanse hair (you’ve oiled it, get it clean).
Shampoo is so personal and dependent on hair type. I have long, fine hair and an oily scalp. I like RoZ for its good workhorse shampoo, Goop’s G.Tox Scalp Scrub if I have product buildup from a lot of blowouts that week, or Oribe’s Serene Scalp Shampoo if things are dehydrated.
Conditioner or hair mask. I prefer a mask, but I also love Crown Affair’s Volumizing Conditioner, which is fantastic for fine hair.
Gentle oil cleanser (I use Wonder Valley) for a body reset, to ensure there’s no residual conditioner on the body.
Optional: cool rinse at end (30 sec) to seal the hair cuticle.
PHASE 4: AFTERCARE
Face (Dependent on Need):
If you want to use an LED mask (Currentbody and Monastery are my favorites) or a Microcurrent device (Ziip and Currentbody’s RF are my top choices, as they truly work), apply these before your skincare.
Mist: Monastery x Sofia Coppola Rose or Joanna Czech.
Active: Biologique Lotion P50, Sofie Pavitt Mandelic, or YSE Your Favorite Ex.
Serum: Eighth Day + Angela Caglia, or Bilogique Placenta.
Moisturizer: U Beauty Barrier Bioactive, Dr. Idriss Major Fade, or Augustinus Bader The Rich Cream.
Oil: Vinter’s Daughter or May Lindstrom Youth Dew.
Occlusive: May Lindstrom’s Blue Cocoon or Furtuna’s Replenishing Balm.
Eye cream: Auteur.
Lip balm: YSE, Dr. Idriss, or Furtuna.
Body:
For ingrowns, my best trick is to swipe on Eighth Day’s Resurfacing Tonic every other night. Your legs will be smooth as silk.
Tronque firming body serum next, massaged in upward strokes. I like this one in particular because it contains caffeine, which (you guessed it) further helps detox and drain.
Follow this with body oil while your skin is still damp. There are tons and tons of excellent body oils available. I like MUTHA, Augustinus Bader, May Lindstrom, and L’Occtinane.
Moisturize. My favorites are Agent Nateur if I want a deeeep drench, U Beauty (dries super quick!), MUTHA, Mienne, and my #1 right now is Tronque.
Body powder, if you sweat at night.
Hair:
Wrap up in your hair towel.
Once the hair is moist but not wet, comb through it with a wide-tooth comb, such as Yves Durif or La Bonne Brosse.
Apply any leave-in product.
Air dry.
PHASE 5: CLOSE THE LOOP
Time to rehydrate. Make yourself another electrolyte packet.
Take your evening supplement stack.
I like to take my Ritual Hyacera and Nutrafol ClearSkin at night with a bit of cottage cheese; the fat helps them absorb better. I also take ARRAE’s Magnesium/Calm to tell my (already sleepy at this point) system to wind down further. If I know I’ve had too much caffeine that day, I’ll take Ritual’s time-release Melatonin, which is the only formula I’ve found that doesn’t give me a hangover or vivid nightmares. I also really like Sakara’s Night Service, which is melatonin-free and relies on tart cherry and adaptogens to help you drift off.
Legs up the wall for 20+ minutes with a castor oil pack on the belly. (Yep, again). This is usually when I watch Love Island or Real Housewives.
Another big glass of water.
Brush your teeth! Floss! Scrape your tongue! How about an aesthetically pleasing toothbrush?
Silk eye mask. Sleep — in my case, on a new mattress that’s the best one we’ve ever had.
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This is a masterpiece.
This is great even for people who don’t have bathtubs! (Sounds sacrilegious but there are homes like that 😉)