Gen Z’s absolute persistence in bringing all things Y2K back is starting to piss me off. First, it was low-rise jeans. And now, Bella Hadid is “bringing back the skinny brow”, as declared by Vogue, who are (in my opinion) recklessly endangering an entire generation of youth with this article.

Ask any trend-tracking female with access to a pair of tweezers in the late 90’s: when you pluck those precious hairs, they very often DO NOT GROW BACK. I still cringe when I see mistreated eyebrows in the wild. Call it beauty PTSD.

There’s a better way, I promise! Not only for figuring out the correct brow shape for your face, but for getting stopped-on-the-street, how’d-you-do-that, Brooke-Shields-eat-your-heart-out eyebrows — inexpensively, easily, and consistently. Let’s get into it.